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Enter the Pearly Gates
Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas.
The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in.
The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.
The third man pulls out a pair of stockings.
Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"
Answer... "They're Carol's."
There was once a great czar in Russia named Rudolph the Red. He stood looking out the windows of is palace one day while his wife, the Czarina Katerina, sat nearby knitting. He turned to her and said, "Look my dear, it has begun to rain!" Without even looking up from her knitting she replied, "It's too cold to rain. It must be sleeting." The Czar shook his head and said, "I am the Czar of all the Russias, and Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"
10 Reasons Why a Woman WOULD LIKE to Be Santa Claus
- There'd be no more early morning decisions about what to wear to the office.
- No one would bother to ask Santa Claus for a ride to work.
- Buy one big brown belt and you'd be accessorized for life.
- You'd always work in sensible footwear.
- You'd never be expected to make the coffee.
- There'd be no need to play office politics; a hearty ho-ho-ho would remind everyone who is the boss.
- Juggling work and family would be easy. All your children would adore you; even your teenagers would want to sit in your lap.
- You'd never take the wrong coat on your way home.
- You could grow a tummy the size of Texas and consider it a job requirement of a funny Santa Claus.
- No one would ask to see your job description.
After being away on business for a week before Christmas, Tom thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift.
"How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk.
She showed him a bottle costing $50.
"That's a bit much," said Tom, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.
"That’s still quite a bit," Tom groused.
Growing disgusted, the clerk brought out a tiny $15 bottle.
Tom grew agitated, "What I mean," he said, "is I'd like to see something real cheap.”
So the clerk handed him a mirror.
- A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery
store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a
stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
- It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, "What are you charged with?"
"Doing my Christmas shopping early", replied the defendant.
"That's no offense", said the judge. "How early were you doing this shopping?"
"Before the store opened."
You know the sun is out and it's very beautiful but I'm still not going outside. It's to cold for me.
My grandchildren, Emily & Cole are with us for the day. Friday night my wife & I went to Cole's school's Christmas music at the church. He's in the choir and wow, did those children sound wo fantastic. It was an enjoyment just listening to them.
My friends, have a great day.
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" SEE YA "
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" Cruisin Paul "
I love your jokes. I also linked you to Silly Sunday.
ReplyDeleteHave a fabulous day my friend. ☺
Love the snow lady with breasts. I don't know why that isn't more common on real snowman----I mean snowladies.
ReplyDeleteMiss your cruise countdown clock!
LOL @ the jokes looks like the wife is expecting too much with those presents on the tree haha!
ReplyDeleteHave a snowtastic day Pauleo and remember I'm only 21 :-)
Heeheehee! Joker the reindeer deserves another chance!
ReplyDelete