Saturday, 21 January 2017

Bright Sunshiny Saturday.


Good morning all of my wonderful friends. This morning the sun is bright and warm at this time of the year, January 21th. Usually we have a lot of snow on the ground at this time but this time none and a lot of rain. I'm not complaining because when I fly out of Detroit this time to go to Miami for my cruise, there will be no problem, knock on wood.
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A little boy goes up to his father and asks: "Dad, what's the difference between hypothetical and reality?"
The father replies: "Well son, I could give you the book definitions, but I feel it could be best to show you by example. Go upstairs and ask your mother if she'd have sex with the mailman for $500,000."
The boy goes and asks his mother: "Mom, would you have sex with the mailman for $500,000?" The mother replies: "Hell yes I would!"
The little boy returns to his father: "Dad, she said 'Hell yes I would!'" The father then says: "Okay, now go and ask your older sister if she'd have sex with her principal for $500,000."
The boy asks his sister: "Would you have sex with your principal for $500,000?" The sister replies: "Hell yes I would!"
He returns to his father: "Dad, she said 'Hell yes I would!'" The father answers: "Okay son, here's the deal: Hypothetically, we're millionaires, but in reality, we're just living with a couple of whores."





A women stormed up to the front desk of the library and said, "I have a complaint!"

"Yes, ma'am?"
"I borrowed a book last week and it was horrible!"
"What was wrong with it?"
"It had way too many characters and there was no plot whatsoever!"
The librarian nodded and said, "Ah. So you must be the person who took our phone book."



 Once upon a time there were three sisters, ages 92, 94 and 96, and they all lived together.

One night the 96 year old ran a bath. She put one foot in and paused. "Was I getting in the tub or out?" she yelled.

The 94 year old hollered back, "I don't know. I'll come and see." She started up the stairs and stopped. She shouted, "Was I going up or coming down?"

The 92 year old sitting at the kitchen table having tea, listening to her sister’s shook her head and said, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful," and knocked on wood for good measure.

Then she yelled, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."

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Well that's it for now. I'll be with you probably sometime  during the week and after that, it will be after my cruise. 

 " SEE YA "



Cruisin Paul

Sunday, 15 January 2017

It's Cold In Amherstburg.


Good morning everyone. Yes my hands are still cold. It must be the fact I'm getting old. Like I said before, when I was young cold had no feeling to me but now, oh my goodness. Brrrrrrr, I'm cold all the time. If I knew this, years ago I would have moved to Florida. 
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Chemistry In The Soup Kitchen

While volunteering in a soup kitchen, I hit it off with a very attractive single man. It was a relief, since my mother and I always laughed 
because the men to whom I was drawn were inevitably married. So, optimistic about my chances, I asked my new friend what he did for a 
living. He replied, “I’m a priest.”



Sock it to Me

On the first night of their 
honeymoon, the husband isn’t sure how to tell his bride about his stinky feet and smelly socks, while the wife is wondering how to break the news to him about her awful breath, which so far, she’s been able to cover up. After some soul-searching, the 
husband gathers his nerve and says, “I have a confession.”
She draws closer, peers into his eyes, and says, “Darling, so do I.”
Recoiling, he says, “Don’t tell me—you’ve eaten my socks.”


Better Late Than Never

After waiting two hours for her date, Sarah concluded she’d been stood up. So she changed into pajamas, made some popcorn, and flopped down in front of the TV. Then the doorbell rang—it was her date. He took one look at Sarah and gasped. “You’re still not ready?”



Family Matters

“Why doesn’t your mother like me?” a woman asks her boyfriend.
“Don’t take it personally,” he assures her. “She’s never liked anyone I’ve dated. I once dated someone exactly like her, and that didn’t work out at all.”
“What happened?”
“My father couldn’t stand her.”




Dress to Impress

My boyfriend and I were taking his 19-year-old niece to a weekend festival. When we arrived at her house to pick her up, she appeared in tasteful but very short shorts, and a tank top with spaghetti straps. A debate began immediately about appropriate dress. I took the girl’s side, recalling that when we began dating, I dressed the same way.
“Yes,” said my boyfriend sternly, “and I said something about it, didn’t I?”
Everyone looked at me. “Yeah,” I replied. “You said, ‘What’s your phone number?'”


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Well my cruise is coming up soon. I have my luggage out and soon I'll start packing. I love preparing everything what I'll be putting in my luggage. My wife waits until the night before but not me. People think, my wife and daughter think I'm nuts but each day waiting is excited. So far my shorts to  wear when I walk around the ship, the socks that I'll be wearing when I go for dinner and next, I'm not sure but one thing I will not forget this time is suit coat. Not like the last time.
Enjoy your day my friends.

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                                " SEE YA "

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                           CRUISIN PAUL 
 

Wednesday, 11 January 2017

Snow, Rain, Wind, Sleet And It's Only Wednesday.



Good morning friends. Yes it's winter and winter has arrived with a weird way. Yesterday we had three inches of snow and during the day it started to rain. Last night the wind arrived with a 50 mph wind and this morning the snow is gone but temperature is down in the 20's. What a weird two days.
I can't wait for my cruise to the Caribbean. It's only 18 days. Hot dogs.
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That's it for today. I hope that Little Johnny's jokes didn't bother anyone. If these jokes bothered anyone, I'm sorry. Little Johnny is such an interesting character. When I was in grade school, there was a character in my school that was just like Little Johnny. The guys in our school thought he was very cool and the little girls were thought he was just dirty. Did you ever have a Little Johnny in your school?

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                                   " SEE YA MY FRIENDS "
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CRUISIN PAUL 

Saturday, 7 January 2017

Cold, Cold, Cold Saturday


Good morning everyone. Happy New Year to all of you. In Amherstburg it is very cold and I have to go out to have one of my new slacks to be fixed. I'm trying to get everything set for for my cruise as you can see. Our new luggages have all of our names on them. I'm surprised how many of those name tags I made. After our third cruise where all of our name tags were ripped off and almost lost all our clothes, I now put so many on that it might make ripping them off would bore them. My daughter and son - in - law are taking us to the hotel to stay the day before we fly for Miami and coming back my cousin Dan will be picking us up after the cruise. My hands are so cold this morning. I better get this blog done quickly before I freeze.

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A young man was showing off his new sports car to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the speed. "If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked. "Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend. And as he gets up to 200, she peeled off all her clothes. Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel. "Go and get help!" he cried. "But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!" "Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself." Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!" The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."



A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results. On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35,"he replied. "I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy. After that she went into McDonald's for lunch and asked the order taker the same question. He replied, "Oh, you look about 29." "I am actually 47!" she said, feeling really good. While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question. He replied, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age." There was no one around, so the woman said, "What the hell?" and let him slip his hand up her skirt. After feeling around for a while, the old man said, "OK, You are 47." Stunned, the woman said, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?" The old man replied, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."





Little 6-year old John Smith’s parents felt really horny at 11 AM on Sunday and wanted to make love, but had to get John away for at least one hour. So they told him to go to the balcony and report all activities of their neighbours for the next hour. Being the innocent, dutiful son he was raised to be, he did as he was told.
His parents amused themselves, and then came the formality of the report at 12 PM.
John said “For the past hour, the Wilsons were watching TV, Mr. Cole was playing the piano, the Johnsons were playing carrom together and the Donalds were having sex.”
His parents were shocked! They asked him “How do you know that?” He said “Their son was out on the balcony too.”
Little 6-year old John Smith’s parents felt really horny at 11 AM on Sunday and wanted to make love, but had to get John away for at least one hour. So they told him to go to the balcony and report all activities of their neighbours for the next hour. Being the innocent, dutiful son he was raised to be, he did as he was told.
His parents amused themselves, and then came the formality of the report at 12 PM.
John said “For the past hour, the Wilsons were watching TV, Mr. Cole was playing the piano, the Johnsons were playing carrom together and the Donalds were having sex.”
His parents were shocked! They asked him “How do you know that?” He said “Their son was out on the balcony too.”
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That's it for now. My hands are getting very cold as of now. I hate winter. When I was young, winter was great, playing in the snow, skating on the ice and sledding down a snow hill. Today I fall just near any ice and snow and as far skating, are you kidding and the cold. I hate the cold. I want some warmth. In three weeks I will have some heat for 8 days. Hot damn, so about that. 

                                                                    " See Ya "

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 Cruisin Paul

Friday, 30 December 2016

2017



Well my blogging friends, it's that time of the year when we have completed 2016. We've had good & bad situations and we've all still gone through it. Once again, I thank you all for taking your time to visit Mr. Cruisers Notes. I do enjoy doing this blog and I hope to continue in the new year. See ya then.

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Cruisin Paul
       2017 

Wednesday, 28 December 2016

Last Wednesday of the Year


Good morning everyone. Well Christmas has been finished for another year and we are waiting for year 2017. Last night we went to my daughter's home again for my granddaughter's birthday. She's now 11 years of age going on 20. Ha,ha,ha. Her parents bought her an ice cream cake with her face with a horse on it and Emily in turn made her own cake and it was very tasty. I didn't want the ice cream cake. It was mint ice cream cake and I hate mint. Emily received more gifts after getting gifts for Christmas. Lucky girl.



                                                                      EMILY

















An Irish Girl comes back for New Years



The other asked, “Where have you been all this time? Why did you not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't you call?”
The girl crying replied, "Dad, I became a prostitute."
"Whaaa!!? Out of here you shameless harlot! You're a disgrace to this family."
"OK, daddy.  If that’s your wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for £4 million."
"For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for you daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club and an invitation for you all to spend a fun New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and..."
“Now what was it ye said you had become, again?" says dad.
Girl, crying again, "A prostitute dad!”
"Oh! You scared me half to death, girl! I thought you said a Protestant. Come here and give your old man a hug!”

New Year’s Dream


Jenna was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Dave, her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present. What do you think it all means?”

“Aha, you'll know tonight,” answered Dave .

At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Dave approached Jenna  and handed her small package.  Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a funny  book entitled “The meaning of dreams.”




Lecture Tour with A Difference

On New Year's Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive, so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home.  As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman.  'What are you doing out here at four o'clock in the morning?' asked the police officer.
'I'm on my way to a lecture,' answered Roger.
'And who on earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year's Eve?' enquired the constable sarcastically.
'My wife,' slurred Daniel grimly.




Pοlice: Where dο you live?
Μe: with Μy parents
Pοlice: Where dοes your Ρarents live?
Μe: with me
Pοlice: Where dο you Αll live?
Μe: together
Pοlice: Where Ιs your house?
Μe: Νext to my Νeighbors house.
Pοlice: Where Ιs your neighbors hοuse?
Μe: Ιf I tell yοu, Yοu won’t believe Μe.
Police: Τell me.
Μe: Νext to my hοuse.  - See more at: http://newyearwishesquotes.com/happy-new-year-funny-jokes-whatsapp/#sthash.5UQxzFP6.dpuf

Unexpected Guest

The New Year's Eve party had turned into a regular marathon with numerous guests coming and going.
At one point, a man knocked on the door, was greeted heartily although no one knew who he was, and was led to the bar in the basement.
He sat there happily for a couple of hours before a strange light dawned on his face. "You know," he confided to his host, "I wasn't even invited to this party. I just came over to tell you that some of your guests' cars are blocking my driveway."
The guest continued, "My wife's been sitting out in the car waiting for me to get them moved."


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Well that's it for this year. For all my wonderful blogging friends, enjoy the evening but remember New Years day is the start of the year, 

                                                             " SEE YA "

 
 Cruisin Paul